Chasing professional success is a fool’s errand.  Fulfillment is what we should be after.  Attaining fulfillment requires that you do two things every day. I will explain in a minute.

But first, on the surface, I realize the idea of not pursuing success sounds ridiculous and runs counter to the very essence of the American dream.  When I was young the concept of professional fulfillment never crossed my mind.  I was interested in success, making something of myself.  I wasn’t entirely sure what success looked like, I had vague ideas about making a bunch of money, having an important job and the respect of others.  The lack of clarity didn’t bother me, I figured I would know success when it arrived.

Along the way my concept of success came into greater focus, but so did another realization: I didn’t have as much control over the outcomes that led to success as I thought.  I’ve been fortunate to experience many professional successes during my career.  The truth is, however, that even if you work hard, follow the best advice, and do everything right (which you won’t by the way, no one does), it’s quite possible that you won’t achieve professional success, or at least your definition of it. 

Getting that promotion or new job, closing that huge sale or turning an idea into a thriving business – we like to think that those outcomes are ours for the taking if we work hard enough.  The more arrogant and cockier among us don’t like to admit it, but forces outside our control, like luck, often play a critical role in determining our success. In some cases the luck is the happy accident of the circumstances into which we were born.  Pick your role model – Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Oprah, a successful parent, or the top dog at your company – all of them worked hard and had superior skills, but they also benefited greatly from lucky breaks and good fortune.

There’s another common problem with how we think about success: often we define it relative to others.  We feel great about that big promotion until a friend or peer gets a bigger one.  When this happens success is not an objective standard but a relative target that shifts with the wind. 

If success, therefore, is a temporary state, dependent on luck and measured relatively, focusing on achieving it is a bit like hitching our happiness to the weather.

This is not to suggest that one should put aside dreams of success.  It’s good to want that promotion or get that big new job.  Such dreams are what fuel ambition, innovation, and achievement.  What am I suggesting, however, is that if we acknowledge that success is to a certain extent beyond our control, then our time and energies are better served by focusing on a different standard.

Professional fulfillment encompasses our notions of success but connects with us on a much deeper and more meaningful level.  When we are fulfilled, we draw solace and reward from how we direct our energies and the goals we commit ourselves to each day. It comes when we focus on the things within our control.  Said another way, fulfillment is about finding satisfaction in the journey. 

To achieve it, we must commit ourselves to a way of life, rituals if you will, that makes it possible for us to learn, grow, and perform work that is meaningful.  It is applying ourselves each day to getting better.  If you do that, each night when you put your head on the pillow you will rest easy in the knowledge that your energy was well spent, regardless of the outcome.

I realize that this can sound like pointless semantics or just plain self-help bullshit.  But the distinction matters.  No one achieves enduring happiness or contentment by focusing on circumstances beyond their control.  The same is true for those who achieved great success.  Your role models for success got there by not allowing themselves to get distracted or discouraged by extraneous things.

Fulfillment, what it means for each of us, is a personal matter.  No two paths will be quite the same.  Having said that, to attain it you must commit yourself to two things each day.

First, you must do things that are hard, stuff you don’t necessarily want to do because it’s difficult and challenging.  All of us have these sorts of things on our lists.  It’s the stuff that’s almost never urgent and easy to put off so we push it aside in favor of more immediate distractions.  But in the end, you can’t find fulfillment without growth and nothing in this world grows absent a certain amount of suffering.  A life that seeks comfort and avoids challenges will never be fulfilling.  Do the hard stuff, every day.

And second, at least once a day you need to put yourself second.  Do things for other people, put the needs of others before your own.  They don’t have to be grand selfless gestures.  It could be small, random acts of kindness.  The point is to get out of our heads, of our own worlds, and think about what we can do to help others.  We are hard-wired to be communal, to the extent we feed that part of ourselves, the more we will find meaning in our days.  Put yourself second, every day.

Neither of these things are ground-breaking or new.  Quite the opposite, they are ancient and timeless.  Embracing difficult things (call it delayed gratification if you wish) and helping others are the skeleton of every major religion, philosophy or set of core fundamental truths.

As it happens, they also are at the heart of every success story.  No one achieved their dreams without some measure of suffering and sacrifice.  Working hard has been part and parcel of the American Dream from the get-go.  And putting others first is how you earn trust, build strong networks, and establish enduring customer relationships.

So, despite the steady flow of new advice about how to achieve your dreams, the truth is everything thing we need to know was discovered a long time ago.  Smart phones, social media, AI, name your technology, none of them will change these fundamental human truths.

Embrace the hard things.  Put others first.  Do these two things, every damn day, and you will find fulfillment.  You may even find success along the way.  They are easy to say, much harder to do.  Neither require an iota of luck, but they are the work of a lifetime.