I’m not very good at relaxing. My mind is always going. Every time I try to relax, it’s hard for me to not think about the things I could be accomplishing. I’m not getting any better at it as I get older, in fact I might be getting worse.
Millions of people have this same problem. I am far from alone. This malady is so prevalent that it has spawned entire industries dedicated to helping people relax.
No doubt, some our inability to relax is due to genetics or natural wiring. But I think the biggest factor, especially for the “Type A” among us, is how we have programmed ourselves professionally. Not knowing how to relax effectively is a byproduct of our daily work environments. We have been trained to do more with less, to move quickly, to learn how to be more productive, to divide our attention and multi-task, to maximize our time for the best results. None of these traits are conducive to relaxing.
There’s nothing wrong with being hard-working and ambitious. Those virtues, practiced daily by countless people throughout history, are what made our economy the envy of the world.
However, this “always on” mindset can infect us like radiation, the longer one is exposed, the more serious and consequential the contamination. We are not machines. Our bodies and minds require downtime. Without a break, all those extra hours we spend working eventually lead to diminished output. We burn out. When that happens we find ourselves in an almost zombie-like state where we continue to show up for work but are only a shadow of our best selves.
Younger people in the workforce seem to know this intuitively. According to numerous research studies, today’s young professionals are much more focused on balance and quality of life in their 20s than people of my generation were at that age.
It is easy for older workers like me to dismiss such talk as signs of softness or laziness among young people. But that strikes me as short-sighted and unfair. A well-educated, motivated young mind is supposed to look at the world with fresh eyes and confidently, if not defiantly, say to the powers-that-be, “you guys got this wrong, we can do better.”
The truth is those of us in middle age may have forgotten while we were busy climbing the ladder that relaxation isn’t a switch to be flipped. It isn’t something one can just turn on. It is a practice that requires conscious effort and a commitment to improve.
Last year I took a trip to Charlotte to see friends. The hotel where I stayed had a big, indoor hot tub. Even though the room was under construction they let me use it. It was epic. I can’t remember the last time I felt so relaxed and refreshed. I remember thinking to myself it would be wonderful if I could recapture that feeling more often.
I’d wager that if each of us invested a fraction of the time into getting better at relaxing as we do in to being more productive at our jobs, we’d find ourselves happier and more content in all aspects of our lives. There are plenty of resources out there to help. The key is to find one that works for you and stick to it, especially in those moments when we tell ourselves we are too busy to make time to practice relaxing.
Many companies have made strides helping their employees develop effective relaxation habits. But there is still much room to improve. The incentives to do so are obvious: burn out and loss of productivity aren’t good for business. And companies that demonstrate care and concern for the whole person tend to engender the highest amount of loyalty and retention.
But in the end, no matter where we work, it is up to each of us to get better at relaxing. We must make relaxation not something we stumble into occasionally when the conditions are perfect, but a practice we apply daily, like exercise and eating right. And like all practices, it is a journey, not a destination. There will be ups and downs. But if each of us can find our “hot tub” moment every day, life will be much more fulfilling.