The email or text that gets no response.
The call unreturned.
The promised meeting that’s never scheduled.
It’s happened to all of us. Quite likely all of us have done it ourselves at one time or another.
People used to refer to it as getting blown off. Today the more common term is ghosted.
Technology today gives us a dizzying array of options to connect. Communication has never been easier or more ubiquitous. One would think with such communication riches, ghosting would be extremely rare. It takes less than 60 seconds, if that, to respond to a text. No one is THAT busy. Yet sadly, the opposite seems to be true.
I’ve thought about ghosting recently as I’ve seen more and more announcements from people who have lost their jobs. Previously I wrote about how the people you never hear from during a job search can be one of the most difficult and painful parts of the process.
To be fair to the ghost inside all of us, I understand the Biblical-scale floods that deluge our inboxes and voicemails daily. We are drowning in texts, chats, email, and social media. Don’t get me started on the spam and robocalls (those guys deserve to be ghosted). The never-ending, machine-like pace to our communications can physically exhaust us. We want and need a break.
While I buy all that, I still have a hard time getting my head around people not responding at all. Ghosting on a personal level is nothing short of cowardly. If you don’t want to speak with someone, are too busy, or just prefer to be left alone, say so. But given ghosting’s prevalence in our lives today, it’s clear this sentiment is not broadly shared. (That’s not to say I have a perfect track record, because I don’t.)
Young people who have grown up with smart phones and social media seem to accept ghosting as a fact of life. They don’t like it when it happens to them but aren’t terribly surprised or shocked by it. Ghosting is one of life’s annoying yet unavoidable nuisances, like rainy days or spotty wi-fi. (To be fair to younger generations, I know plenty of people my age who do this as well.)
If you forgive the middle-aged rant, I don’t think we should accept or normalize ghosting. If we do so in our personal lives inevitably it seeps into our behavior professionally. It’s all around us already. A lackadaisical attitude towards ghosting would be terrible for our corporate cultures.
The golden rule should rule – treat others as we would hope to be treated. For those of us on the good side of the desk, now more than ever we owe it to ourselves and others to be more considerate and responsive. Forget about it being the right thing to do. If nothing else think of it as a form of self-preservation. The doors are revolving more quickly than ever, one day soon it could be you or me looking for a hand.
The last thing I will say here is what a friend reminded me recently when we were talking about this subject. It’s best to always assume good intent. For those waiting for a response, remember people are busy and a little patience is in order. Hearing back in twenty-four hours would be nice but shouldn’t be treated like a commandment etched in stone. And for those on the receiving end, keep in mind the person doesn’t mean to nag, but if they’re a job seeker their whole day often revolves around waiting for people to get back to them.
The deluge isn’t going to stop, but let’s not allow that to be an excuse. It doesn’t take much time to fire off a quick message: “thanks for your note” or “thinking of you” or “I know I owe you an answer, give me a day or two as I’m jammed right now.” A few words can make all the difference.
If you’ll forgive the misuse of the metaphor – now more than ever with so many people in transition the best thing we can do for ourselves, and our corporate cultures, is to banish the “ghost in the machine” once and for all.