Everyone should have at least one tough boss in their career.  Nothing will make you stronger, better, more aware of new possibilities and just flat out smarter.

I’ve worked for some very tough bosses during my career.  (Check out my blog post, When I Worked for Andrew Cuomo). It certainly wasn’t easy, at times it was down right miserable, but I wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything.

This advice isn’t consistent with much of the conventional career wisdom these days.  Today’s leaders and those aspiring to leadership positions are flooded with messages on social media about the importance of being empathetic, not pushing people too hard, projecting understanding, and remaining calm.

All of that is well and good.  Great leaders are empathetic, understanding and know how to manage their emotions.  I’m not suggesting this advice is wrong or bad, but it is incomplete.

Lost in that advice is a fundamental truth about all living things:  nothing grows without pressure.  No human grows up without experiencing some measure of pain and hardship. Exercise or physical training is the obvious metaphor. Muscle fibers are torn during weightlifting so they can grow back stronger.  Training for a marathon hurts, but that’s the only way our lungs and heart will adapt. 

We don’t like to talk about suffering these days, much of the narrative of our culture is about avoiding it. But it is an inescapable, and indeed essential, part of our existence. Just like our bodies can’t experience growth absent some sacrifice and suffering, neither can our careers

It often isn’t fun, but you need to experience working under tight, even unreasonable, deadlines. Pressure is good.  You need to work for someone who doesn’t settle, who demands your best, who pushes you more than you want to be pushed.  Such an environment involves passion and intensity, at times you will get feedback in ways that are not easy to hear. 

Yes, it hurts. Yes, it’s no fun.  And, yes, for a time you may end up resenting, loathing, or detesting a tough boss.  But if you are never pushed outside your comfort zone, if you aren’t challenged or tested, you may never reach your career potential.  Sorry, but the old sports cliché is true – no pain, no gain.

Having said that, let me be clear, there is absolutely no excuse for any form of abuse, harassment, or meanness.  Such behavior can never, and should never, be tolerated.  Bosses who do that have no business being bosses.

Also, there is a big difference between tough bosses and bad bosses.  A tough boss is solely interested in making the team, and everyone on it, the best they can be.  A bad boss is only interested in what’s in it for them.  Tough bosses set high goals and get the best out of their teams because they believe in their people.  Often more than their people believe in themselves.  Bad bosses set teams up to fail because in the end they don’t really care about their people.  All they care about is themselves.

The most effective tough bosses know how to celebrate the wins, express gratitude, and turn down the heat when the task is complete.  This last piece is critical, while sacrifice and suffering are required for growth, it should never be a perpetual state.  Everyone needs periods of recovery.  Without it, growth is hampered.

They may have had a funny way of showing it, but what I’ve come to realize is that it was my toughest bosses who truly cared about me the most. They were the most invested in my success. Often they felt it with a passion and intensity that eclipsed mine.

For the record, I’m not suggesting that all our bosses should be tough ones.  That hasn’t been my experience thankfully.  There are times in our life where career growth, or work in general, must take a back seat.  A well-rounded, joyful life is about much more than work.

But there’s no question that the periods where I experienced the most rapid growth and learning were the times when I was most challenged by my bosses.  Dig into the history of any executive, athlete, or person you admire, and I guarantee you will find the same to be true.

If you want to grow and truly reach your full potential, put aside thoughts of it being easy, mellow and stress free.  Instead, embrace the challenge. Expect some measure of suffering.  Seek out people who will push you outside your comfort zone.  Don’t always settle for the easy path.  In the long run, whatever temporary pain and suffering you experience working will pale in comparison to the value you gain as a person. And you’ll have a tough boss to thank for it.